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What They Said: Favorite Quotes from Castle “An Embarrassment of Bitches”

Episode: “An Embarrassment of Riches”
Writer: Rob Hanning

  • "Whoa, okay, whoa. Where are you staying? Who’s driving? And who’s chaperoning?" "We were going to take your Ferrari and hook up with some boys we met on Craigslist." "Not cool."
  • "Her last name is Dutton? Your friend’s name is Button Dutton?" "That is unfortunate." "What’s so wrong with that?" "Oh come on. That’d be like calling you Rastle or Tastle or No Hastle Castle."
  • "Hey. No, I was just making a point. Please don’t call me that."
  • "So, dog whisperer — check. People whisperer, not so much."
  • "Here’s what I don’t get. How does this woman have her own perfume line; an army of paparazzi outside her apartment; millions of twitter followers; dozens of magazine covers; all with no discernible talent to account for it." "Even more perplexing? Why in almost every photo is she posed like this? (Castle poses) Oh guys, sorry, no time for photos. Okay, maybe just one." "Hey. That’s not Jason Bateman. (Oh man!)" "That’s getting old."
  • "Whoa hold on a second. Kay Cappuccio doesn’t have five to spare." "How about 15 to 20? And that goji berry juice sounds delightful."
  • "Well, it’s no mystery why someone wouldn’t want to be in business with Kay. But why did Francisco think that she was working for someone?" "Especially since her whole life is about not working.”
  • "The line at Vegas on yesterday’s Sunfare winner was 50 to 1 — a real underdog."
  • "Or we can keep him here at the precinct. I mean we can use a mascot." "I thought that was what you were…"
  • "Who wants to make a run for it." "To go get dog food?" "Castle." "Ryan." "Esposito." "Well, shall we settle this like men?" (They play Rocks, paper, scissors)
  • "An eating problem? You wouldn’t know it to look at him." "Oh his diet was horrible. Scraps from the garbage. Dead birds. Even his own feces." "We’re not talking about Francisco here are we?" "Oh you thought I was Francisco’s therapist? Heaven’s no. My patient is Royal. Well, I am a canine therapist. It’d be pretty crazy for me to treat people." "People. That would be crazy!"

  • "Tell me does the phrase corporate espionage mean anything to you?" "No. No, seriously, I have no idea what it means."
  • "Dude, look at that outfit, where’s she going to wear a wire?" "Well, if I had to be creative I’d guess…(looks at a glaring Beckett)… that that’s rhetorical."
  • "He could have seen me without my makeup. I feel so violated."
  • "It’s not just any celebrity video. I mean TMZ has offered like a million dollars for the first naked picture of me." "If you ask me, that number’s on the low side." "You are too sweet." "Thank you."
  • "We’re going to have to find somebody to pull all those photos." "I’ll do it." "Got a little case of uh puppy love there, Esposito?" "You do realize that she’s got a serious boyfriend, right?" "Who? Reggie? He’s a back-up dancer in a fitness video. I mean I don’t even know what he’s doing with that knucklehead."
  • "No roshambo?" "Well, I mean, that would put you at an unfair disadvantage. I’m pretty good…" "Come on, Castle, let’s go." "All right. Just so you know, there’s strategies in this game that uh…" (rocks, paper, scissors — Beckett wins) "Two out of three?" "Hmmm…hmm…" (rocks, paper, scissors — Beckett wins again) "Three out of five?" "Sure. (rocks, paper, scissors — Beckett wins one more time)
  • "Castle, you were supposed to be here over an hour ago. It’s called shared custody. Not show up when you want custody."

  • "And I bet you let him sit on your couch didn’t you?" "Um…" "No, that’s okay, you can be the fun one. I’ll just be the bad guy because there’s no way that you’re shedding all over my couch." "Oh no, he’s perfectly happy right there. Oh and he loves it when you rub him right between the eye, just little circles with your thumb just like this not too hard…" (Castle demonstrates on Beckett’s hand) "Castle." "Yeah…there’s…you get it…yeah"
  • "Don’t miss me too much. The dog, not you."
  • "Who is your cable service provider because I do not get this channel?"
  • "Who’s a good boy? Eh? Who’s a good boy? Is Marcus a good boy? No he’s not a good boy. He’s a bad boy."
  • "Beckett, are you wearing perfume? And just for future reference, I am partial to Fracas."
  • "Guilty pleasure? Or just guilty.”
  • "Whoa whoa you mean, the tabloids were wrong?" "Yeah and uh, you know, I was wrong about something to. It turns out having a mascot in the precinct can be pretty useful.”
  • "You said ‘you’d be the one who’d wind up having to feed it. And it was hard enough remembering to feed me everyday.’" "Yeah I…I don’t remember that last part." "It was subtext. Barely."
  • "So this dog you want to get. You know, for me, this wouldn’t be an enticement to come home from college more often, would it?" "Don’t pretend you’re smarter than me. I taught you subtext, young lady."
  • "Don’t worry, I’ll come back and visit so much, you’ll get sick of me." "Promise?" "Yeah. Someone has to leave food out for you once in a while." "Speaking of, I’m kind of hungry right now." "Kibbles & Bits?"

Castle airs Mondays at 10/9c on ABC.—Tina Charles


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