Photo Credit: Annette Brown/The CW

Episode: “Graduation”
Writers: Caroline Dries & Julie Plec

Stefan: “Damon. Help me celebrate my 17th high school graduation. Hey, you remember my friend, Lexi, of course.” Damon: “Lexi. Back from the dead. Goodie.” Lexi (who starts choking Damon): “What’s up, buzz kill?” Damon: “Stefan, you just going to sit there and let her enact her ghostly revenge.” Stefan: “You reap what you sow, buddy.”

Damon: “So if you and Ric and little Gilbert are all flesh-like and real-seeming, that means something went horribly wrong when Bonnie tried to put that veil up and here you two are having Dance Party U.S.A.” Stefan: “You’re right. How selfish of me to be indulging in these precious moments with my formerly dead best friend. I should be sacrificing my own happiness for the good of others, right? I should be upstairs grooming my hero hair.” Damon: “Are you drunk?” Stefan: “I don’t know, mom. Am I?” Damon: “Well, I guess that’s one way to celebrate our supernatural apocalypse.”

Caroline: “Hell will freeze over before I let anyone cancel graduation.” Bonnie: “Can you not make any jokes about hell freezing over? We’re not that far off from it already.”

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Photo Credit: Tina Rowden/The CW

Episode: “The Walking Dead”
Writers: Brian Young & Caroline Dries

Elena: “Stefan, you’re the one who told me to channel all my emotions into one, single feeling.” Stefan: “I realize that. I just figured it would be love, or hope or compassion. Not unwavering hatred for a ruthless vampire that’s 500 years older than you.”

Elena: “You don’t think I can kill Katherine?” Stefan: “I don’t think you really want to.” Elena: “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I just want to feel the warmth of her chest cavity as I rip out her heart then watch her face as she realizes I took it from her. Nah, I just want to kill her. It’s that simple.”

Katherine (to a meditating Bonnie): “Could you be any creepier?”

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Photo Credit: Eric McCandless/ABC

I’m still stunned at what went down in the latest episode of ABC’s Scandal. “A Woman Scorned” was a wonderfully exhausting hour of television, wasn’t it? 

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Photo Credit: Patrick McElhenney/FOX

We’ve been building towards this moment almost since the beginning of the series. Nick and Jess have always had too much chemistry and we’ve been (somewhat) patiently waiting for things to develop between these two. We have to thank the writers for not dragging this moment out for a few more seasons. Is it too soon for their first time? Probably. Will they continue running way from each other despite this big development? We’d bet on it. Are we excited to see where this goes? Absolutely. What does it all mean? We don’t know, but we like it. I mean, Nick lets Jess get on the elevator to go meet Teddy but just as the doors are about to close… cue the Ellie Goulding song. So appropriate. He picks her up and he’s done thinking, he’s done over-thinking. Loved every second of it.

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Photo Credit: Skip Bolen/The CW

Episode: “The Originals”
Writer: Julie Plec

Damon: “She’s the calmest desiccating vampire I’ve ever seen. I remember when you starved me down there for three days. I would have wept at your feet for an orange peel.”

Stefan: “Katherine.” Katherine: “The one and only…sort of.”

Damon: “Wow. Look who went and got bold.”

Rebekah: “Well, the French Quarter witches are not to be trifled with…you don’t suppose they found a way to kill him [Klaus] once and for all, do you?” Elijah: “Rebekah, in the name of our family, you might try to dial down your glee?” Rebekah: “What family? We are three distrustful acquaintances who happen to share a bloodline. I, for one, hope they find a way to make that traitorous bastard rot.”

Rebekah: “Where are you going?” Elijah: “To find out who’s making a move against our father. And then…I’ll either stop them. Or I’ll help them. Depending on my mood.”

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Photo Credit: Diyah Pera/The CW

Episode: “Pac-Man Fever”
Writer: Robbie Thompson

Dean: “Man, I’m telling you. Give me five minutes with some clippers and…” Sam: “Oh, shut up.”

Dean: “That’s why we don’t have nice things, Sam.”

Dean: “What are you saying? That we can make and receive phone calls from here and nobody can track us? Man, I love this place.”

Dean: “Your highness.” Charlie: “What’s up, bitches.”

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Photo Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW

Episode: “Pictures of You”
Writer: Neil Reynolds & Caroline Dries

Bonnie (to “Jeremy”): “I was thinking about the last thing I said to you — ‘We did it’ — totally lame last thing to say to someone.”

Damon: “We lost count of the consecutive days in which Elena Gilbert hasn’t killed anyone. I’d say that’s progress, brother.” Stefan: “So what are we gonna do, just uh throw the football around for another 150 years till Elena gets her humanity back? Because I’m cool with that.”

Damon: “So what’re we gonna do? Pull a Lexie, bombard her with emotions till one of them sticks?” Stefan: “Yeah and if that doesn’t work then we go to Plan B — lock her up and keep her sidelined until you and I figure out a Plan C.”

Elijah: “Your personal discomfort might not be sufficient reason for putting the entire world in jeopardy, Klaus. I think our sister deserves a shot at happiness.”

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Photo Credit: TNT

[Warning: Massive spoilers from the Dallas season finale]

OK so many thoughts about the two-hour Dallas finale. First of all, what excellent episodes. So many twists and turns and ups and downs and things getting oh so clear then getting messy again. All of it was kind of exhausting…in a good way. Thoughts:

• Is Pamela the next Sue Ellen? I’m hoping being married to John Ross isn’t going to drive her to drink. These two are my end game. But life in Dallas often turns on a dime. I saw this love between the newbie husband and wife and then…he’s still sleeping with Emma.

• In my preview, I raved about Julie Gonzalo and Josh Henderson. But I’m going to have to say that I want to also rave about Emma Bell. As Emma, she can do the bad girl thing so incredibly well. Harris didn’t even know what hit him.

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The more things change, the more they stay the same. Season 5 begins four and a half months after the end of season 4. Jackie’s back at work after her union sued All Saints, there are two new doctors on staff, and O’Hara is finally back from maternity leave. Zoey still lives with Jackie, Eddie is still fired, and Coop and still Coop.

Since Jackie’s about to have another birthday, she asks Kevin if she can have the girls. She knows it’s not part of their deal but she’s hoping he’ll make an exception this one time. Somehow I expected their relationship to be a little less hostile, but I can understand why it isn’t. Jackie deserves all the hurt and anger and attitude he’s throwing her way. But because I’m rooting for Jackie and hoping she can maintain her sobriety, I’m on her side in this fight. I know it’s not his job to take care of her (or really care about her at all anymore), but I hope at least part of him can see that she’s trying.

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Photo Credit: HBO

Selina’s been out on the campaign trail stumping for her party. But come election night, things aren’t going well for them. And she blames it on POTUS. Selina decides it’s time for POTUS to start honoring his ticket promises to her. She wants her regular one-on-one meetings, more responsibilities in infrastructure and education reform, an expanded role in deficit reduction talks, a Cartier f*cking dildo. Gary seems uncomfortable with that last thing. Sue just wants Gary to shut up about his girlfriend. It’s getting annoying.

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